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2007-06-01 - 5:58 p.m.

2nd entry for the day

A while ago, my friend teranika wrote a very wise entry about what she would say to her 19 year-old self. It got me thinking about what I would say to myself, and whether or not my teenage self would believe me.

I think my main advice would be to stop trying so hard and enjoy life. As a 19 year old, I wanted so desperately to be someone else, anyone else and anywhere else. Everyone and everywhere seemed better than where and what I was. I tried very hard to be someone else, but of course only succeeded in making myself miserable and even less sure about whether or not "I" was good enough as I was.

This habit has followed me into adulthood (hence my confidence that I wouldn't listen to my more mature advice). I have to work very hard not to be envious of other people, and still struggle to believe that I am valuable.

These thoughts came to me today as I was completing the new kid forms for Ben's secondary school. Ben has inherited my lack of confidence and the desire to be liked by everyone, even the people who will never be encountered again. As a result, like his mother, he tries too hard and the other kids pull away. I am trying to find a way to relax him, and have him see that if he is just himself and doesn't worry about it, the other boys will see him for what he is and they will drift towards each other the way friends do.

This is the advice I never had as a child - relax, be yourself, don't try too hard, and it will all work out. I'm not sure I could have done it, and I hope that he can. 7th Grade is a big place.

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holidays 2010.... - 2010-12-26
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...France... - 2010-08-30
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